The upcoming spring made me wonder: if programming languages were women, what kind of women would they be? A bit of googling brought up a few outdated articles which missed a lot of my favorite languages, so I decided to bring together a list of my own. Some of the most popular languages just don't feel like a female character for me, so I skipped them - you're welcome to suggest a vision of your own. No offense is meant for any language or its users, or to women, since I'm one of them :-)
A hot divorcée; she specializes in seducing teenagers, and a lot of them get their first experience from her. The adults have various opinions about her: some recall her fondly, while the others disapprove her bad influence on young minds.
A business-woman in her thirties. Can handle anything and doesn't really care about her job conditions, so she's really appreciated in corporations. Dates mostly businessmen. She's too focused on her job to look or behave sexy, but she's really good in bed once you're there.
An elderly typist clerk who works for Donald Knuth and earns a bit on the side by typesetting books written by other people. She's almost melted in her typewriter, so most people can't imagine that she's a woman indeed.
A business-woman in her sixties. Insanely rich - you have no idea about the order of magnitude of her fortune. Your life with her is all business launches and official meetings, airplanes, hotels and cocktails. You grow wealthy and respectable with her, but you haven't had sex in ages.
A porn star: everybody have seen her or heard about her, everybody knows she's fantastic in bed, but only a few people have had sex with her. By the way, it's really fantastic :-) Very neat, speaks with a slight stutter.
A theoretical description of a woman, written by a man long ago, when the women haven't been invented yet. Leaves a lot of space for interpretation; there are several modern women who try to match the description, but the results vary.
A 15-years-old sister of Omgrofl. Wears a lot of pink, from fluffy slippers to bag with Hello Kitty and Doraemon badges on it. Loves cats and resembles a cat herself - when she curls on your laps and hums something, you feel an urge to pet her. However, the society disapproves close relationship with her.